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Becoming Unfuckwithable

Do you feel like you are always dealing with obstacle after obstacle?

Do you feel like you are always dealing with obstacle after obstacle? The world is a crazy place. And right there in the middle of it all, is you, trying to make a decent go of things.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to feel totally in charge of your emotions? No longer be the victim of your “good days” and “bad days”? Wouldn’t it be cool to be a little bit more...unfuckwithable?

Unfuckwithable (adj.) when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.

Yep, that’s right. UNFUCKWITHABLE. Otherwise known as: Unshakable. Confident. Resilient. Unbothered by the opinion of others. Ambitious. Fierce. Happy in your skin. Self-reliant. Self-assured. Unapologetically you.

Here’s my personal steps to become unfuckwithable:

Know who you are

The first step to becoming unfuckwithable is being honest with yourself and knowing who you are. After all, if you don’t know who you are how can you stayed centred and grounded in the face of other people’s actions and opinions?

Below are some questions to ask yourself to get you started.

How do you respond to conflict? Expectations? Rules? Setbacks? Being told no?

Do you know the difference between what you actually love doing and what you think you should love doing?

How do you show love?

How do you tackle to-do lists and deadlines and big scary goals?

How do you cope with stress?

How do you react to challenge, curiosity, control? How about competition or recognition?

Are you intrinsically or externally motivated? Are you drained or renewed by alone time?

Get real with yourself

The next step to unfuckwithability is getting real with yourself. You can’t be unfuckwithable if you are the one causing the obstacle after obstacles in your life!

Again, be honest and ask yourself, what are the things you are turning a blind eye to that need to be faced? What are the things in your life that you are denying that need to be accepted?

The things you don’t want to think about needs to be addressed head on. This is not easy, not by a long stretch. It takes courage, honesty and time to shine a light on the things that you’ve been trying to keep in the dark. But if you don’t deal with these issues, the universe will continue to present these problems in an ever-increasing manner, both in frequency and severity, until you do.

So pick up your journal and start writing. Scribble down all your thoughts and feelings as they enter your mind. Don’t hold back. Let it all out. Trust me, you will feel so much lighter afterwards. Then, after days, weeks or months, when you have nothing more to write, go back over your notes and see if any patterns emerge.

This radical act of tough love towards yourself to own who you are and where you are, is totally unfuckwithable!

Know your worth

Far too many of us rely on the external world in order to feel good about ourselves. But this is just a trick of our own ego. When someone approves of us, it allows us to approve of ourselves. But what that’s really saying is you value other people’s opinions above your own. Anytime we give our own power away like this, we lose control of our own narrative. Because of course, when the source of the validation disappears, so do our feel-good feelings.

Seeking validation from outside of yourself normally manifests in the form of people pleasing. Bending your life over backwards to accommodate someone else's idea of success, beauty, or happiness is no way to live. In the process of trying to please those around you, you have sacrificed your own happiness. Furthermore, at any given moment in time, it is impossible be able to make everyone around you happy.

When you are genuine, there will invariably be people who do not accept you. Great freedom and independence can only come when you truly understand that other people’s perception of you is not your responsibility. When you know your worth, what value you add to this world, what other people think of you simply does not matter.

At first you might think you don’t add much value to your community, but if you meditated on this and took a closer look, chances are you will see things differently. After your meditations note down all your good qualities and how you have used your qualities to help your family, friends and community. Don’t leave out any examples even if they are small. Write down all the mistakes you have made, what you have learnt from them and how you have grown to be a better person to those around you. Keep meditating and journaling until you feel your self-worth is so robust that it can neutralise any negative energy from others.

In this life, do whatever your heart desires so long as it is legally ethical. Do you, unapologetically.

Praise you like I should…

The truth is criticism is cheap and praise is rare. If you want to become unfuckwithable, you need to control the amount of criticism you absorb, understand that it is mostly uninteresting (rarely is it constructive) and likely coming from a someone who has a scarcity mindset!

If the people around you won’t praise you when you do good, then it is time to praise yourself. Learn to change your negative inner chatter to loving praise. If you have embarked on a self-development journey, making a concerted effort to be a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday, praise yourself for each step of improvement you make. It may feel odd at first but make praising yourself a habit and a new way of life.

Slay your lane

Finding your purpose is probably one of the best things you can do to become unfuckwithable. It gives you a new perspective on your life. It gives you something to focus on that has a positive impact to so many people around you. When you slay this lane of purpose, most of the drama and chaos happening around you becomes trivial and meaningless. Where others whine and complain about being in the world, you rise and transcend by being the world. Being compelled by your calling, driven by your vision, gives you that unfuckwithable edge.

If you haven’t yet found your purpose and would like to, read this blog Your guiding compass: finding your life purpose.

Build your financial independence

If you want to be unfuckwithable, be financially independent. When you rely on other people financially, you expose yourself to being manipulated. The people that you are financially dependent on may not be interfering in your life now, but they could any time they want.

Here are two easy things you can start doing to increase your financial independence -

Step 1 – Start a piggy bank

Build up savings for your retirement and those unexpected ‘rainy’ days. An easy way to do this is to open up a savings account (one that has penalties attached if you withdraw money without a 30 day or 60 day notice) and set up a direct debit that deposits 20% of your monthly income automatically.

Step 2 – Embrace minimalism

If you want to become unfuckwithable, you need to learn to live without all the stuff you think you need. I am not saying you should get rid of essentials like your car, your home, your clothes etc. But do you really need the designer handbag or latest tech gadget? If you know you can live just fine without all the superfluous goods, your mind and soul become independent. No more pressure to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. Thinking before purchasing and not buying items that you could do without, will set you free and you will learn that the level of consumption, especially in the West, is a result of an unhappy society.

You may also like to read The Devil Wears Prada

Live consciously

Most of us experience good days and bad days. Our emotional state is absolutely defined by the random events and circumstances in our life. But you know the unfuckwithable person is not most people. They consciously respond instead of unconsciously react and are in the driver seat of their life.

They are aware and live consciously. They understand they are not their thoughts and emotions and so don’t live through them. When you understand you are not your mind (your ego) you are simply a conscious being (your soul), there is nothing anyone can do or say that can bring you out of that place of contentment. There is no such thing as a ‘good’ day or ‘bad’ day. Good and bad are just labels our minds think of so that are ego can then judge them. There is no such thing as a good day or bad day, there’s only the day that you have chosen to create. There is no such thing as an easy life or a hard life, there’s only the life you have chosen to create.

Start thinking of your natural energy as a bubble that constantly surrounds you. Use your mind constructively as a rational gatekeeper that decides what can enter that bubble. Be conscious of the fact that you always have a choice as to what can enter your bubble or not. This practice will help you set firm boundaries keeping out any drama or toxicity trying to enter your sphere.

With that being said, it is good to acknowledge your feelings, just don’t engage with them. This is a great opportunity for you to take a step back and analyse what has triggered you and why. What have you learnt from this experience? What proactive steps can you take to heal yourself from this trigger? Everything is here to teach us something.

Live consciously. Focus on where the meaning is, not the trivial. Focus on where the potential is, not the problems. Focus on where the vision is, not the vultures.

Trust the universe

Becoming unfuckwithable means trusting that the universe has your back and whatever the end outcome that the universe has delivered is for the best. You believe in your heart of hearts, that the universe may not deliver what you want but definitely delivers what you need to help your soul ascend and shine the brightest light around you.

Armed with this trust the unfuckwithable person does what they can and lets go of the rest. They take whatever action necessary to achieve a goal and then leaves the end outcome to the universe. If you take a close look at your life and if you are honest with yourself, most of the things in your life you have some degree of control over. However, there are some things in life you have no influence over whatsoever. Stressing in this situation is a colossal waste of time and as the unfuckwithable person that you are, you choose to spend your precious time wisely.

Respect other people’s freedom

How other people behave only becomes a problem when you are attached to a particular behavioural outcome from them. The truth is you can’t control how other people act, you can only control how you act. To be unfuckwithable is to act with full acceptance of other people’s freedom. Should their freedom not give you what you want or think you need, you don’t complain, you just respond rationally and take a different course of action. You live by healthy example. Maybe they will understand the example, or maybe not. That’s is not for you to worry about. It is precisely in the uncertainty that comes with how people behave naturally where all the romance and adventure of life resides.

Chose love over fear

Unfuckwithable people make decisions from a place or love, not fear. Choices made from love stem from the soul, which is infinite power, wisdom and joy. Conversely, choices made from fear stem from the ego, which is controlling, manipulative and limiting.

Negative inner chatter, which stems from your limiting beliefs, is your ego’s way to keep you ‘safe’, stops you from being ‘rejected’ or keeps you from risking ‘failure’. Your ego is very good at keeping you in the status quo. It does not like change, so it creates ways to push new opportunities and experiences away.

Decisions stemming from love are often from listening to your intuition. Many times our intuition wants us to take the road less traveled so that our soul can grow and ascend, but this takes courage. Unfuckwithable people want to develop and grow and they do so by living a courage-based lifestyle as opposed to a comfort-based lifestyle, which only ever leads to complacency and frustration.

If you want to be unfuckwithable you must bravely face uncertainty amongst the masses seeking safety. You must fully embrace unconditional love amongst the majority trapped by conditional

thinking. You must embody an abundant mindset amongst a world trapped in scarcity.

What are your limiting beliefs? What does your soul believe? (Answer: your soul does not believe anything, it is simply consciousness, it is simply being.)

You may like to read Are you a ‘prisoner of fear’?

Own your problems

When you find yourself in a situation or circumstance that you’d rather not be in, own it. If we always got what we wanted, we would never grow. Being unfuckwithable is about freedom and you can’t be free if you refuse to rise to the challenges of life. There will always be something that’s not perfect and new problems will always surface. Trust me, even those people who you think have it easy, don’t. So, drop the weighty and frustrating “Why me…?” and start the weightless and freeing “Now then…”.

Don’t let the world stop you from getting exactly what you want. Trust that if you want something bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. If you can’t get a job, start a business. If you are in an unhappy relationship, leave it. Taking control and doing things yourself will be hard on you, mentally, physically and financially. But you will love yourself for abandoning the comfortable but unhappy ‘victim’ path and not giving up on the road less traveled. Most of all, you will learn that where there is a will, there is a way, giving you that boost of confidence to handle anything going forward.

Play the infinite game of life

If you want to be unfuckwithable, you must play the infinite game of life. It is all or nothing, there are no compromises. You either get exactly what you desire or not at all. The unfuckwithable person is always the one willing to walk away from the negotiating table. However, in order to live this life of no compromise, you have to let go of all expectations and attachments to your desires because it is precisely these things that makes one fuckwithable.

Be present

Being unfuckwithable means not dwelling on the depressions of the past and the anxieties of the future. Simply being in the moment and enjoying the present. Because the present is the only thing that truly matters.

A whole lot of our own internal drama comes from us protesting things that have already happened. But of course, no amount of protesting and complaining in the world can make the clocks rewind! This is just a waste of your precious time and energy. The faster you can let it go, the faster you will feel better. The past is the past. The future is the future. Right now, is all you have to become the best possible version of yourself.

The key to being truly present, letting go of the past and facing the future bravely, is all down to the practice of radical forgiveness. It is only when we can forgive those associated with negative experiences in the past can we let go of it. It also dissolves limiting beliefs that we hold, formed from our past experiences, that affect our future.

Please remember, practicing radical forgiveness does not mean allowing the person that did you harm off the hook and becoming a doormat. It just means letting go of the negative energy you hold towards them. There are still consequences for the other person’s bad behaviour.

Another very important aspect of practicing radical forgives is forgiving yourself. Being unfuckwithable is being kind to yourself. Do understand that you’re just a human being like everyone else and that it is okay to make mistakes from time to time. So long as you have learnt from your mistake and have not repeated it, you can forgive yourself and move on.

Never give up

It goes without saying, you can’t become unfuckwithable if you tend to give up easily. Many people give up on their dreams when they see how far they have to climb the mountain to reach the peak. However, if the barriers to your dreams were not large, everyone would achieve it and it would no longer be much of a dream. Anything that is worth it, is worth fighting for. You should never give up, ever. Nothing gets easier if you give up, you’ll just face other difficulties, which is why you need to…

So there you have it, my steps to become unfuckwithable!

Which tip are you going to use? Which area do you need the most help letting go and staying strong? Can you think of more suggestions?

I hope you have enjoyed this post. Please share it with family and friends who might need that unfuckwithable edge.

Anita Anand



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